Post by Mariko on Jul 11, 2016 22:52:59 GMT
I am, for the time being, back in school for the Summer B semester. Unfortunately, due to a botched attempt at dual enrollment when I was 16 that resulted in a semester's worth of dropped classes, my completion rate of attempted credits means I am not eligible for financial aid or government sponsored student loans (which are the only kind my school offers). I am in the process of trying to find an alternative to pay for a full course load for fall semester, which will bring my completion rate back up enough to qualify; additionally, I am trying to appeal consideration of the dropped semester to force the school to reconsider my eligibility. On top of that, there is a shit-ton of personal stuff going on, ranging from my mom having an ongoing fight with her best friend to my roommate having Post Concussive Syndrome and being really weird.
Although I've had a recent burst of activity with regards to U!P, I have to admit that I'm feeling really run-down. Today, I found myself wondering if there was even any point in continuing to do this. I don't tell you guys this to make anyone feel guilty or to inspire you to jump forward telling me there is; I'm just trying to be honest about what's going on with me right now. I think there's probably a point at which all producers hit some roadblock like this. I've certainly hit this specific one before several times, but I've always gotten around it. This time, though, something feels different. I'm not saying I want to close Uta! Project, but I am saying I'm considering it, and although it makes me sad to think about, I can't say for sure what the ultimate outcome will be. I hate to give up, and I hate to think of myself as a quitter, but the point I'm at right now, I feel like with everything in my life I am swimming against the current and getting nowhere.
I've gotten better at reaching out to specific people when I'm in crisis, but this is probably the first time I've made such a confession to a community as a whole, and I'm saying this because I feel like you guys deserve to know what's going on with your producer. On a lot of levels, I am feeling very alone, even though I know intellectually that I'm not, and that we've created this wonderful group of people who I'm so honored to have met and get to know.
Although I've had a recent burst of activity with regards to U!P, I have to admit that I'm feeling really run-down. Today, I found myself wondering if there was even any point in continuing to do this. I don't tell you guys this to make anyone feel guilty or to inspire you to jump forward telling me there is; I'm just trying to be honest about what's going on with me right now. I think there's probably a point at which all producers hit some roadblock like this. I've certainly hit this specific one before several times, but I've always gotten around it. This time, though, something feels different. I'm not saying I want to close Uta! Project, but I am saying I'm considering it, and although it makes me sad to think about, I can't say for sure what the ultimate outcome will be. I hate to give up, and I hate to think of myself as a quitter, but the point I'm at right now, I feel like with everything in my life I am swimming against the current and getting nowhere.
I've gotten better at reaching out to specific people when I'm in crisis, but this is probably the first time I've made such a confession to a community as a whole, and I'm saying this because I feel like you guys deserve to know what's going on with your producer. On a lot of levels, I am feeling very alone, even though I know intellectually that I'm not, and that we've created this wonderful group of people who I'm so honored to have met and get to know.
